This has been bothering me for an entire week…
My first reaction was to scream into a pillow about how asinine
people can be. Then I wanted to post something on Facebook, but I didn’t want
to embarrass my son (who is no longer active on Facebook but his friends
are). And it was only about a week ago
that I made a #yesallwomen post on Facebook about an ass that catcalled my
23-year-old daughter in a suburban neighborhood and followed her for about a
quarter mile in his truck. I didn’t want
to start to look like a ranting mom.
But damn it, this is really bugging the s#!@ out of me. So, I’m sharing here.
First you need to know that my son, who is 20 years old now, is genuinely a nice guy.
I was going through old report cards and teacher notes as I winnow down paper
files, and the theme was consistent: “…nice,
quiet boy who perhaps takes too much too heart, very sensitive. Lots of
friends. Happy child.”
Okay, so, there you go.
That’s my son in a nutshell.
Then there’s this:
He and I were just casually chatting about the world and how
people can be real jerks sometimes. Then
he and my daughter, who both worked in a local supermarket (he has for the last 3.5 years, she
only could stand it for about a month), said, “Mom, you have no idea of how
often the people around here (West Windsor, NJ and Newtown, PA) are rude and condescending.” And then they each proceeded
to tell me a string of “bad customer” stories.
His included a few doozies, including one where customer threw a loaf of
bread at one of his friends behind the bakery counter because she didn’t know
where to find capers. The guy threw a
loaf of bread at her and called her a “stupid bitch.”
I myself worked in a supermarket, a different one, as a
part-time job when my full-time job wasn’t paying me enough to live on early in my career, and I do remember how rude some people can be. So I started to tell both of my kids that
yes, there are a lot of rude people, but so many more people who are nice, but
we tend not to remember or remark on the nice ones, because, thank goodness, they
are in the majority, and we only remember what is terrible and unusual.
And then my son shares this:
“Well, you’re probably right, but when I was just starting
working at the store, and was going to school and working there, some man
pointed at me and said to his daughter, ‘Do well in school or you’ll wind up
like him.’”
So, my son, who was working to save money (he was in high school at the time) while going to school was made an example of what not to do. There are sooooo
many things wrong with that-- it makes my blood boil.
First, and most personally, my son takes things to heart,
even when he says he doesn’t. I’m sure that while he says the man made him
angry, there was a part of him that was hurt, too.
Second, who the hell puts down someone working for a living? When is someone working EVER a bad example?
Third, I have a number of friends who work in retail. The
snobbery inherent in the comment made by that man is disgusting. I wonder what he does for a living that has
warped his brain to the point that he believes it is correct to look down on
someone and, worse, share his stupidity aloud.
Fourth, what a terrible father he is. If his daughter was older, she was surely embarrassed,
or should have been, by his commentary. If she was younger, what a sad example
she has for a father. Poor kid either
way.
Fifth, and on a more positive note, this story made me think
of my own father. He had a tough life. His father died when he was very young, during
WWII. His mother had to send my dad and his siblings off to live with relatives
while she found a job and had money to support them. According to stories he shared over
the years, during that time he lived without a lot of supervision. He met a lot of people, some down on their
luck, a few very well off, and a lot in between, though mostly not well off. Remember, it was during the Depression years.
He was exposed to all kinds of people and their behaviors during a tough time in our nation’s
history and in his own.
Yet, my father came out of it all with a true appreciation
for individuals and the paths they take, the choices they make, and how their
lives evolve. He always said to me, “I
don’t care what you do for a living, just do it well.” (I love too that he taught me early on that I
could have a career—pretty ahead of his time.)
He would talk with the garbage truck drivers as easily as
his colleagues at the office. He would show equal respect to police officers, street
sweepers, and doctors. I grew up really
truly believing that every job exists for a reason and that people gravitate to
work they can enjoy and feel good about.
So, I promise not to rant to often about the stuff that
happens to my kids as they become adults and have to deal with the crap the
rest of us are dealing with on a daily basis.
But I couldn’t keep from commenting about the jerk in the supermarket
who had no right to make my son feel less than when, in fact, my son is so much
more than.
My son is a very handy example
of a real man. I’m
proud of him everyday.
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